Proof that you're NOT the Narcissist!

When we're healing from the emotional trauma inflicted by a narcissist it is very common for victims to wonder if they are actually the narcissist and are they the problem. I'm going to share three main reasons why this happens to us. It's important to know that you are not making this up. It's not all in your mind and no, you're not going crazy. 

Many of us grow up thinking a narcissist is just someone with an inflated ego. Someone who is overly obsessed with how they look. There is some truth to this but not many people know how deep this goes and how dark it can get. Once we begin to wonder about narcissism and if we're a victim of it, we'll learn more about the traits they have and the many tactics they use to manipulate everyone around them. 

Narcissistic traits are along a spectrum. At one end, you will have healthy levels of narcissistic traits and the other end will have extremely toxic and terribly abusive traits. The desire to manipulate others for personal gain and to improve how one is viewed by others is at the root of it all. Since everyone has narcissistic traits, we will of course recognize some of these traits within ourselves. 

Gaslighting is how the narcissist creates an alternate reality which leaves us in a constant state of confusion. If their victim is in a constant state of confusion on what is real and what is not, they are easily manipulated. Consistently being corrected whenever you are accurately describing an event or previous conversation you will begin to doubt your ability to remember things correctly. Gaslighting will lead you to doubt your intuition, doubt your abilities to handle money, and in many cases makes you believe that your actions are the reason why you're being abused by the narcissist. That it is all your fault. So naturally, when we begin to see what is happening, we will default to blaming ourselves. 

The number one reason why you might be convinced that you might be the abuser is victims tend to mimic the abuse back to the abuser and sometimes to others. It is possible for the abuse to be so normalized and so consistent that it becomes your new normal. You begin to buy into their way of thinking. Many times, we tend to mirror this behavior to our children. You hear and see how the narcissist treats the children all the time. When you're in an emotional state, it is very possible that you'll say things the narcissist would say or do things the narcissist would do. Not because you want to, but because you've been exposed to it so often. Your mind begins to think this is how you need to act to feel any control over your life. 

Here are 5 signs to help you see you are NOT the narcissist

1) You have empathy. If a loved one is suffering, you're able to imagine what they might be going through. If you get into a disagreement, you consider both sides of the situation. You go out of your way to find a solution that helps both of you feel good so you can maintain the relationship. 

2) You reflect on your part in a situation. After the end of a relationship, you will consider areas that you might have encouraged an issue or how you might have handled certain things better. You'll also reach out to your friends and online groups for feedback on how to fix the situation or avoid it in the future. 

3) You're open to receiving help from others. When you're really struggling and your friends and family don't seem able to help you, you are willing to consider professional help. You can see the benefit of having an unbiased person helping you see your situation from a different point of view for answers. 

4) You're able to genuinely apologize to someone. When something unfortunate happens because of something you did, even if it was an accident, you will feel true remorse and will apologize. Not only will you apologize but you will be very mindful to avoid repeating that act to ensure that mistake doesn't happen again. 

5) You're reading this list. Narcissists don't reach out looking for help. Nor do they spend time learning about narcissism. They would never wonder if there was something wrong with them. They are convinced that they are superior to absolutely everyone else and if they every make a mistake it's always someone else's fault that it happened.